"Hambone, er, Tommy," said Phineas Fartbuckle, Commission Member from Port Builditquick, Md. "I notice that your county is full of developments that have various stormwater management violations, how do you get away with it here, in our county, it’s really tough, they want builders to put up all kinds of silly plastic fences to catch some dumb mud, but here in St. Mary’s, it looks like anything goes".

"I am glad you brought that up, Commissioner Fartbuckle," said Hambone. "We have decided that we not only have too many parks but we have too many rules. It is time to get a handle on this and I have consulted with committed environmentalists like Phil Dorsey to make decisions regarding appointments to Metcom, the Planning Commission and the Board of Appeals. We have talked to the Governor about pulling out those pesky state inspectors and we have gone overboard in finding ways to let builders and developers operate on the honor system. Since they are used to following all the rules, such as the big one, buyer beware, we have taken a page from that gutsy Guy Curley, an imaginative builder, and given everyone Liberty. They have the liberty to operate in their developments in any dadburn way they want to. In return, we have special county muddobbers who go out and gather up the mud, along with the Rag, which slings the mud and then we can have all the mud we need to put back in the subdivision, divide the land some more and then get more land out of our development districts which will add more value to the land and allow us to transfer development rights without impacting our rural character."

"Commissioner Hambone, you kind of lost me on that one," said Critical Area Commissioner Fartbuckle. "We don’t do things like that in Anne Arundel, its sooo tough up there, I kinda like it here, can we buy any of your extra parkland to put in about 2,000 or 3,000 homes?"

"You or any of our Critical Area members can see our Excursion and EDC Director John Savage, who really knows how to express our desire to develop everything except the Keepers Quarters at Piney Point, which we must rent below market to a local lawyer, rather than let the public tromp through if it was a museum. We only want the tourists around for a few minutes, enough to get their money and shove them back on the bus to go back to the retirement homes."

"Mr. Bone," asked Commissioner Flushtax of Montgomery County. "We know how much you play golf with the Governor, can you tell us how soon we will be getting the people with septic tanks to pay their fair share of our sewer plant upgrades in Montgomery and Prince Georges Counties, we have been carrying you rural counties on our tax backs for a long time and now it’s time for you people to return the favor and the best way to do it is to charge everyone who owns property with a septic tank to pay $10,000 to the State’s general fund. Since we don’t have septics up in the suburbs, this tax will hit you people right where it should, it serves you right for living this close to the water."

"I am glad you brought that up, Commisisoner Flushtax," but please don’t discuss it here in my county, people could find out that I am selling them down the river and putting the screws to them so you big county folks will like me and vote for me when I run for statewide office," said Hambone. "My Daddy wants me to be Governor, at least for a month or so, before I become President, and if I am going to win, I need the support of the big counties. Besides, you have more builders there and those boys have real money, not like pikers I have in St. Mary’s County. These boys here are real cheapskates. Why, I had a $250 per person fundraiser on St. George’s Island and only 25 people showed up. My Daddy had to buy the tickets to get the total up to $10,000. It’s hard to get money outa these builders, I like builders like Hackerman, he can get off a million when he wants to, that’s my kinda money."

"Commissioner Hambone, are we going to see anything that advances the cause of clean water and concerns safeguarding the environment?" asked a voice from the rear of the room.