Hambone the Correspondent
“Daddy, appoint me as the correspondent for the Illustrious Hambone Gazette and I will be off to Annapolis, I can get this movie script right, even though I lost by a small margin to Dyson, my opponent,” said Hambone to Daddy McKay.
“I can fullfill my manifold destiny as a journalist in the State House, since that AP guy died or retired, whatever, I can have his desk,” said Hambone. “Lookie here Daddy, I had my kid print me up a journalism degree, with this a dollar I can get press credentials from my pal Ehrlich before he leaves office and shazamm, I have a new job as the Annapolis Kid. I have always been your boy wonder, Daddy, so don’t disappoint me now, make me the Hambone Gazette Guy in Annapolis, I will be able to have some gal type up stuff and send it to you every day after I hunt down the news at cocktail parties, receptions and in lobbyists offices. I have the nose for news and the abiltiy to make up and damn stuff I need to, I will make the perfect journalist.”
“Now hold on Sonny boy, we need you back in the stores unloading trucks, stocking shelves and what not. Do you know how much your damn fool political career has cost me so far and you have nothing to show for it?” said Daddy Warbucks McKay. “What about paying some money back to me now?”
“Daddy, I can best do this by giving you plenty to print so you can sell more papers and sell more ads and so forth,” said Hambone.
“I have contacts in high places.” said Hambone.
“Your contacts are all out looking for jobs, Hambone,” said Daddy.
“But they will be there for a couple of more weeks and then I can make friends with the Democrats,” said Hambone. “I didn’t mean all those sleazy things I said about them, I was just trying to get elected. Democrats are smart wonderful people and they really are on the right track with commuter rail, I was told by Governor Ehrlich to say all that crap, I didn’t have my heart in it, he just wanted Dyson out and ever since I went to Annapolis with my interior designer to measure Dyson’s office for the curtains I would have installed if I won, which I barely lost, I was just a GOP pawn, heck, I was a Democrat all my life until I read in the Rag that someone who wanted to beat Julie Randall would only have to file to win, that was good advise, so my career was launched at lunch.”
“But what about Dyson? Can you make friends with him?”
“Sure, nobody believed a thing I said bad about the good Senator,” said Hambone. “The people all know I’m a liar and just can’t help myself. I am sorry and now ask for forgiveness.”
“God bless you boy.” said Daddy.
“God bless us everyone,” said Hambone. “Now do I get the job?”
“I’ll think about. Let me call The Rag and get their opinion.”